Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Seven nights of Fonzie: Night 3

The “Seven nights of Fonzie” blogs are unedited before a live audience.

I’m not sure I want to admit to my family that I value my relationship with my friends more than that of my family. In reality members of both groups would go out of their way for me if I needed the help, I have no doubt about that. And I don’t expect to be relied upon by my friends as I expect to be relied upon by my family. I have no regrets about the fact I’ll be the one who is responsible for my mentally retarded sister some day, assuming we both outlive our mother. I guess it’s good to realize I’ll be important to my family in the years to come, but somehow the relationship I have with my family isn’t the same for me as it is for many others. That doesn’t make it wrong, but it’s unorthodox, and it sounds wrong.

As I noted previously, I need my friends more than they need me. Most of my friends have gotten married and have children. They have other priorities, and that’s how life is, but I don’t, really.

I have made new friends over the years, but I don’t have the same kinds of friendships I had in college or in the years after, before everyone was married. I have done a lot of things to keep myself busy over the years, and it seems like it’s getting harder, not easier, to keep up that pace. Whether that’s true or not, I need to find new challenges to keep from stewing in my own juice.

I promised myself in 2006 I would push myself in new directions, because I wasn’t going to keep living my life the same way I was as of Oct. 7, 2005. In a few ways I have done that. But not enough.

I will be working plenty of extra hours on the weekends this winter, because I not only want to pay off some bills, I want to pay for a trip to Florida for my cousin’s wedding. I’m going to be busy, and I have more bills than I need, not to mention an expensive car repair forthcoming, but despite all that, I need to do things for me, whether it’s trying something new, doing something I wouldn’t normally do or learning something I am too lazy.

There will never be a good time to start, and I wish I would have pushed myself 10 years ago when I toyed with the idea, but it’s time to learn how to play the guitar. Not because I’m planning to be in a band some day, not because I want to perform for others, but simply because I don’t pursue creative outlets. As far as I can tell, I suck at them all, so there’s no logical one to choose. But I have often regretted I never had the patience or the interest at a young age to learn a musical instrument. I have regretted it for years, but no longer. Better late than never.

It’s going to be a bit tricky to make a lot of progress this winter, not only because I’m working every weekend to pay my bills and future expenses, but because I’m going to be busy many weeknights, too.