Sunday, April 3, 2011

People #1

I have been looking at people in a very different way lately. I've been scrutinizing them, actually.

I've been analyzing their relationship situation to see if I can understand why it is the way it is. I am sure this is a direct result of the sobering reminder I received in February that I'm not that spectacular of a human being and I'm destined to live out the rest of my days as a slightly bitter recluse. Keep in mind I'm fine with that. We can only play the cards life deals us.

Nonetheless I can't help but wonder why. Why is Person A married? Why isn't Person B?

It's a new game I'm going to play for a few weeks, or more. I'm looking forward to it.

Today I'll start with Coworker A. She's quiet. Really quiet, and seemingly devoid of personality. She is sort of cute, but she has a "lights are on but nobody is home" look in her eyes. I'm not sure if gangly is the best word to describe her, but that's the closest word I can think of. My guess is that she is in her mid 20s.

I have seen her smile, but she seems so detached most of the time. One of my theories is that she had a highly sheltered upbringing. But maybe she's just quiet. I can't figure it out.

I imagine her to be a boring sexual partner. I really struggle to imagine her having wild, freaky tendencies in bed. She seems so awkward just walking around the office that it's hard to imagine her as a sexual gymnast.

If she has any hobbies, I can't tell you what they are. It would be interesting to spend a "typical" weekend in her world.

So why is Coworker A the first victim of my cruel speculation? We recently learned she is engaged.

Despite the fact she seems so devoid of personality and is physically awkward in ways that are hard to describe, she makes somebody very happy. Somebody (I'm guessing it's a guy) thinks he wants his life to revolve around another person who appears to have the personality of a beached dolphin. Is this guy her male counterpart, or is she librarian Barbara Gordon by day and Batgirl by night? I would love to know.

By the way, the announcement that she is engaged came from a coworker who brought it up, not by Coworker A. Although I had a sense that Coworker A had a significant other, I didn't know for sure. It wouldn't have surprised me at all if it turned out that she was single.

Bottom line: she is getting married and I'm borderline dumbfounded by it.

Good luck to them. I hope it works out. Being devoid of personality around the office isn't a crime, and I am sure Coworker A deserves a lifetime of happiness more than I do.

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